Adult children of divorce are in a bit of a different situation in that we're old enough to be more involved in the whole mess, and we tend to feel more responsible for picking it up. It's also painful in a different way – when you're grown, your parents' divorce is supposed to feel less painful than if you're a small child. In some ways it's actually more devastating, particularly if one parent with whom you've been close suddenly decides to break off his relationship with you because he thinks you won't need a father any more . . . a lot of couples in their fifties are breaking up now and leaving behind a lot of bewildered twenty- and thirty-somethings who once believed that their parents' marriages were proof that commitment could last forever.
Here's what you can do if you're the adult child of divorcing spouses:
Circle up the wagons
Stick to the Plan
Encourage Conversation
Expect to Feel Abandoned
Talk to Other People in the Same Fix
Refuse to Tolerate Abuse
http://www.divorceinfo.com/adultchildren.htm
4 comments:
I agree with you that if my parents were to get divorced today, I would totally be devestated. Of course, my mom and real dad were divorced when I was 2, but my mom and step dad have been married for over twenty years. This would kill me. My mom would really be lost and lonely. I am an only child so I would have to taken on the responsibility of taking care of her needs. I know it must be hard to figure out your fellings during this time, becasue you feel torn. I also agree with your statement regarding looking at your parents commitment as a true commitment to each other, and now that has been broken. You have done a good job wiht this blog and telling us your feelings, hopefully it will help now that you have come face to face with some of your feelings. I hope everything works out for you!!
I too am an adult child of divorce and I understand what it is like for a parent to feel that they no longer need to serve that role. My mother and father divorced about three years ago, and while my father has remained supportive and is still a large part of my life, my mother's top priority is her boyfriend. She seems to care that I am alive and breathing, but past that she is completely absent from my life. I have tried to be as indifferent as possible to the situation, as I am no longer dependent on her in any way. However, the perceived abandonment is not easy to take regardless of age.
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Samantha Friedman, an alumna of the University of California at Berkeley and Fordham University, and I am currently a doctoral clinical psychology student at Saybrook University (San Francisco). I am seeking adults between the ages of 20 and 35 who have experienced parental divorce in either childhood or adulthood to assist me in the completion of a study that examines the effects of parental divorce on marital attitudes and intimacy.
If you agree to participate in this study, please click on this link (http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TK8Q7GT) and complete the survey on SurveyMonkey.com. The online survey I am conducting is very easy to complete. The whole process is designed to take less than 15 minutes to complete. Participation in this study is completely voluntary and anonymous. You are free to not answer any question, to stop participating at any time for any reason, and to not have your information be part of the data set. All forms will be kept confidential; that is, no one will have knowledge of which questionnaire belongs to you.
The aim of my study is to learn about the psychological impact of parental divorce, particularly how the age at which parental divorce occurs influences attitudes towards marriage and intimacy. It is of particular importance to examine the effects of parental divorce on marital attitudes and levels of intimacy because they are indicators of relationship stability. The ultimate goal of this study is to acquire data that can be used to assist adult children of divorce in understanding the impact of mid- to late-life parental divorce and develop strategies that encourage healthy, lasting marriages.
Please contact me if you would like a summary of my findings when the project is finished. If you have any questions, please contact me at SamanthaFriedman@hotmail.com.
Thank you in advance for your time and assistance. I really appreciate your help and I am sincerely grateful.
Best wishes,
Samantha Friedman
I need help to set rules for my divorced parents now they are starting to date. If anyone know a book or article that would be great.
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