As we complete this course in Human Behavior in Social Environment II, I would like to thank all for their comments and support. This has been a learning experience for me both educational and personal. I have seen a turning point in my life just by being able to research and listen to the feedbacks. Everyone does not reach the same life events throughout their life, but I must say that we sometimes have to go through something to gain respect and understanding for something elese. I must say that it only makes you stronger.
My parents divorce had an affect on me that I was not sure I understood. I beleive I understand more that there are many people out their that experience and has experienced this devastating event. Adult children of divorce are not talked about much, but experience the same affects of divorce as smaller children do. I have learned that there are support groups and that is not uncommon for an adult children to receive therapy to help them cope.
Because my parents never sat down and informed their five children that they were going to divorce there continues to be undue stress from everyone. My mother had to inform that she was going to be served with divorce papers and the tense began.
Today, I have a different outlook concerning the divorce. I realize it is not my fault, my sisters fault that the family dynamics have changed. I must not allow this change to affect me emotional or stress me out. I am coping better and do realize that it could have been handled different, but again I must move on and enjoy life for what it is.
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6 comments:
It makes sense to TRY to only worry about what you can control...I've enjoyed reading your blog because it made me think about things I previously took for granted. And you know what "they" say - That which doesn't kill you does only serve to make you stronger. And I've seen you at work recently, so I know this hasn't killed you...maybe it just set your trajectory to a different direction!
I've had the pleasure of reading your blog. I am glad that you are learning to accept what has happened and realizing that it is not you or your sister's fault. Although I have never experienced my mother going through a divorce I have witnessed my husband and his siblings experiencing how to cope with their mother and father divorcing. It still is a factor in the relationship they have with their father which is distant. I feel kids are so left in the dark of the different situations their mother and father go through which could be positive as to trying to protect the children, but at some time there should be a better way to discuss the final results with children so they could get a better understanding and not blame themselves. Maybe it would cut down on underlying behavior issues in children learning to cope with their parent's divorcing.
The week after my parents told me they were separating, I was in a cloud. I couldn't shake a bad dream where things looked different. I guess the textbook definition of what I felt is shock. It wasn’t until the second week that I ran a Google search of divorce and found two things: first, the term ACOD (adult children of divorce aka AKOD adult kids of divorce) and second, that, as you mention, there was very little written about ACODs.
I continued to Google the term “ACOD” in search of perfect words that might clarify the noise in my head. I didn’t find very much. A year later, I’m ready to share my experience in words, coherent words, which is an accomplishment considering that for me this past year has felt like a 12-month-long roller coaster ride.
I have learned in fact that there are no perfect words, only those of reassurance and hope.
I am glad to have found your blog and hope that I can help others the way you have helped me. I hope to see you there, at the place I created for ACODs to visit and realize that they are not alone.
http://walking-on-eggshellz.blogspot.com/
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I am going through a difficult family situation right now as my parents are about to divorce and im 24 years old and recently married myself. I will continue to follow your blog closely as I think you provide great advice. ACOD's are not talked about or paid attention to as much as they should be.
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Samantha Friedman, an alumna of the University of California at Berkeley and Fordham University, and I am currently a doctoral clinical psychology student at Saybrook University (San Francisco). I am seeking adults between the ages of 20 and 35 who have experienced parental divorce in either childhood or adulthood to assist me in the completion of a study that examines the effects of parental divorce on marital attitudes and intimacy.
If you agree to participate in this study, please click on this link (http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TK8Q7GT) and complete the survey on SurveyMonkey.com. The online survey I am conducting is very easy to complete. The whole process is designed to take less than 15 minutes to complete. Participation in this study is completely voluntary and anonymous. You are free to not answer any question, to stop participating at any time for any reason, and to not have your information be part of the data set. All forms will be kept confidential; that is, no one will have knowledge of which questionnaire belongs to you.
The aim of my study is to learn about the psychological impact of parental divorce, particularly how the age at which parental divorce occurs influences attitudes towards marriage and intimacy. It is of particular importance to examine the effects of parental divorce on marital attitudes and levels of intimacy because they are indicators of relationship stability. The ultimate goal of this study is to acquire data that can be used to assist adult children of divorce in understanding the impact of mid- to late-life parental divorce and develop strategies that encourage healthy, lasting marriages.
Please contact me if you would like a summary of my findings when the project is finished. If you have any questions, please contact me at SamanthaFriedman@hotmail.com.
Thank you in advance for your time and assistance. I really appreciate your help and I am sincerely grateful.
Best wishes,
Samantha Friedman
Excellent sharing.You shared a really good information I appreciate it. Thank you and keep sharing.
Cordell and Cordell
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